Ugh... ex's....

Not a vandwelling post, but I need to get this out of my head, and writing is the best way to do it.

I have this ex, she's perfect in many ways, but she's promiscuous, and an attention seeker as well. I have discovered that this could very well be attributed to her Borderline Personality Disorder. We were off and on throughout our entire relationship, and she drove me crazy but I love her, and that makes it all the more difficult. We chose to remain friends, but she's all over the map, and sometimes, it's difficult to handle her.

Being the type of person I am, I am always there for those I care about, and this holds true for her as well. In fact, I have been learning recently, that I have basically been the only constant in her life outside of her family. The guys that she meets, are for lack of a better words, pigs. They are not interested in hanging out with her unless she puts out, and thus she's getting ditched a lot by these guys. Now, this is partially her fault, because she gives them the impression that she is an easy conquest, but when it comes time to hang out, that's all she wants. Go for a coffee, and stay in public.

Is it wrong for me to be a little happy about her getting ditched? For all her craziness, and the craziness that she got in me which made me do some things I am not proud of. Ashamed of actually. I still want her. I still want to be there for her, and still want to have a real relationship with her. I still want to be there for her whenever she needs me. We haven't done anything more than text this past month, and I have been going out on dates as well (Only stood up once, but that was resolved with a new date set). I'm not really looking for a relationship, but some good friends, and they're all aware of that. If something comes from it, then so be it. I don't talk about her to anyone, and as far as everyone is concerned, she's a distant memory.

I'd love to just be over her, and move on with my life, but damn. I just can't. I fell for this girl. Hard. Now I can only try to be supportive of her, and hope that eventually, she'll figure out that I've been the only one to want her for her, not just her body. I was there for some really bad times of depression from her, I would even take time off work to be with her (which is easy to do since I can work from home) when she needed me.

I don't know, maybe I'm a fool...