Such a range of emotions

This post will stray from the typical stuff I write. I need a place to vent, and this is my only blog.

Yesterday, I received a call in the afternoon from my youngest brother. My parents had got a call from my sisters roommate that he found her dead.
My parents were out at my sisters place when I got the call, as they were required in order to identify their child, and deal with the police. The coroner's initial assessment is that my sister died from an accidental overdose. During the holidays, my sister talked so proudly of how she had been clean for 18 months, and was doing so much better. She was more focused and involved with her daughter who will turn four in February.

She really did seem to be doing better. The thing that upsets me, is that she always called me in the past when she was in a hard spot, and just needed to talk to someone who would be calm with her, and help her through her troubled moment. I never received a call, nor text, nor even a Facebook message. She was just gone.

How does one deal with this?

My sister on January 9th, 2015

I don't know what I am feeling. I'm stunned. I'm devastated. I'm angry.

When my sister and I last talked about her issues, she had acknowledged on her own that she had to stay away from drugs because she didn't want her daughter to grow up without her mother. She didn't want to do something, and make the wrong choice that took her away from her daughter. Be it arrest or death, she didn't want it to happen.

Drug addiction is a hell of a thing. Folks, don't get the wrong impression that my sister was a typical addict you think of. She was healthy, and happy, and loving. Yes, she was a drama queen, but she loved her family.

My mom is a wreck. Obviously. I can't imagine what it is like to lose a child. I've lost a lover, but thankfully never a child. Parents should never outlive their children. That is not how it is supposed to happen.

My mind is racing, and completely still at the same time, and I just cannot concentrate. It doesn't make sense to me that this happened.

I'm angry, and right now... I hope they find the bastards that sold my sister the drugs that killed her, and skin them alive.

Eventually, I'm sure I'll calm down and be okay with their daily gangrape in jail.